Paul was a genius in his field and extremely hard-working. However, despite his strengths, he wasn't well-liked or respected. His rough demeanor seriously impeded his ability to communicate effectively with his staff. Paul quickly drew negative assumptions about people well before the evidence was in. When he snapped his finger, he expected people to jump and to place work responsibilities above all else. He was miserable, and so was everyone who crossed his path.
Tessa, a dynamo in the field of healthcare, also suffered severe stress, although for different reasons than Paul. While people generally disliked Paul, they loved Tessa. However, she was no better off. Tessa couldn't set limits or say "no" to inappropriate demands from staff. Her subordinates viewed her as a pushover, frequently asking for unearned extra time off, slacking off in their job duties, and allowing Tessa to race around putting out brush fires to cover their blunders.
In Tessa's mind, being a boss equaled being thought of as mean and having everyone hate you. Since she couldn't stand the thought of being disliked, she felt she had but one choice — to befriend her subordinates and never be contrary.
While seemingly quite different, Paul and Tessa reflect two sides of the same coin. Both suffered from an inability to set healthy boundaries with their subordinates. Paul set boundaries that were far too rigid, bordering on abusive, whereas Tessa barely set any at all.
While most supervisors exhibit styles far less extreme than those of Tessa or Paul, it's quite common for boundary issues to be a primary source of job dissatisfaction and to lead to poor communication between supervisors and supervisees. But with the understanding and practice of healthy boundaries, supervisors can dramatically improve workplace satisfaction.
Paul discovered that he felt undeserving of his position. To compensate for a low self-worth, he was acting like a bully, misusing his power to feel better about himself. He eventually recognized that, not only did he not feel better, but he was alienating the very people he had hoped would respect him. By becoming more flexible and by dealing with his own issues, he became more able to create a productive work environment.
Tessa learned that she didn't need everyone to like her. Instead, she became more centered on accepting her position of authority, and she discovered that she could assert her role and gain more respect. She no longer allowed others to take advantage of her kindness. She learned how to set boundaries without being harsh. She stopped befriending her supervisees and instead understood that she needed to create a healthy distinction between herself and her supervisees.
If you would like to improve your workplace relationships with your staff, you could benefit by applying the following five characteristics of healthy boundaries.
Flexibility
While company policy usually dictates firm rules and consequences for breaking them, employees tend to respond more favorably when supervisors have flexible and individualized approaches to specific situations. While there's always someone who will try to get away with more than his/her fair share of "exceptions to the rule," most people just like to know that their needs will be considered and respected. After all, no one likes to be treated like a case number. For instance, if an employee repeatedly shows up late due to disorganization, a supervisor might address this by offering a course in time management and a warning that if the employee continues to be late, he will be terminated. However, if the same employee has consistently demonstrated exemplary performance but arrives late due to a temporary personal problem, a supervisor may wish to approach this scenario with more compassion and greater leniency.
Fairness
Respect
When communicating with subordinates, supervisors need to eliminate any forms of sarcasm, sexism, racism, ageism or other prejudices. Such forms of communication devalue and demoralize the spirit, creating resentment and a lack of safety in the workplace, not to mention potential lawsuits. If you have a bias that interferes with your ability to manage your staff, get help immediately.
Reasonable Expectations
It's common for people in upper management or those who own their own businesses to have climbed the ladder by sacrificing other personal needs. Many have made work a priority over family, friends, hobbies, etc. Thus, it becomes tempting to expect that others would be willing to do the same. However, supervisors must be careful not to impose this standard on others or to equate the amount of time or energy spent at work with whether or not someone is a conscientious employee. It's reasonable for employees to expect adequate compensation, either monetarily or through extra time off, if they are asked to perform beyond the agreed-upon job description. Employees should not be "guilted" into doing more than their fair share in order to receive more approval or special favors from their boss.
Responsibility
Being in a position of authority requires tremendous accountability. Far too often, people who become in charge of others either misuse their power or fear using it at all. A supervisor-supervisee relationship creates fertile ground for abuse and exploitation. Supervisors need to stay acutely aware of their power and create a balance between being in charge and respecting the supervisee's right to make his/her own choices and decisions. Many subordinates will unconsciously place a supervisor in a parental role and often resort to childlike behavior. While it's ultimately an employee's responsibility to clean-up these projections, how a supervisor behaves can either exacerbate this dynamic or help keep it in check. Supervisors need to treat employees as adults, recognizing that their power is limited to the workplace. They need to help employees understand their right to quit or say "no" to any demands. Supervisors need to be especially careful not to bring their own personal unfinished business into the workplace.
About the Author
Debra Mandel, Ph.D., has appeared on multiple national television and radio programs and has hosted her own radio show. She practices out of Thousand Oaks and Encino CA. Contact her at dmdoc@earthlink.net or 818.335.6309 or 310.477.4849
